Focus and Refocus

Life is full of challenges. The list is endless and unique to each individual. These difficulties come in all shapes and sizes and will never cease to stretch and try us. At times we may feel completely broken, lost, frustrated, overwhelmed, discouraged, and we could go on and on. Or we may feel prideful (whether we admit it or not) and act content with our preoccupation of the trivial things that feed our ego but damage our spirits and hurt the ones we love. None of us are immune to the endless list of trials that face us in life. It's human nature to take life and our moments for granted or even to complain and shake our fist at the injustices that come our way.

One moment, on Tuesday October 21st, 2014, changed my life forever and expanded my limited perspective. I walked into a room to hear the results of a blood test taken for my sick son who had woken up on Monday morning sick with a fever and who could not walk. The nurse told me his blood count was low and then said the doctor can explain more, but I wasn't really that phased by it because I didn't understand the numbers. I just figured he was sick with a fever, so we would give him antibiotics so his fever and ache body would go away. Then I turned to face my husband as I heard him sniffle behind me. Out of nowhere, a flood of emotions hit me when I looked into my husband's tear-filled eyes. He is a medical student and he understood those numbers, and because he was emotional I knew something was seriously wrong.

I looked at my husband, my almost-two-year-old son and my three-month old baby. Their presence suddenly felt more precious to me then ever before. Even though we didn't have an official diagnosis at that point, I was terrified that my son had a serious illness and that maybe he would die. Life felt so fragile because the possibility that a dear life could be ending.

There is more that unfolds to this story--we are only 4 days into it, And more details I want to share when my husband and I have the time and energy for it. But for now I wanted to share the purpose of this blog.

I am not a blogger. In fact, before my son was diagnosed with leukemia, the thought of publicly sharing my personal thoughts and experiences terrified me. I have suffered from a very personal and complicated time of depression and anxiety just prior to this experience; however, I was feeling back to normal before my son's illness. I am grateful for the many things I am learning. I believe the timing is no coincidence. The Lord has been preparing me for this. I don't want to forget and overlook the precious moments that matter most. The goal of this blog is to help me, my family, and the ones I love to continually focus and refocus on the things that really matter.

Things are still pretty crazy right now so we will share our story the best we can under the current circumstances. My mom and sisters are going to run and organize this blog for the time being. Ronald and I will share the story and details the best we can as time and energy permits. Although overwhelmed, shocked, and heartbroken, we want to express our deepest thanks to family and friends that have reached out to us! We have felt the STRENGTH, support and love of those who have thought of us and prayed for us. Thank you a million times a million! We are deeply touched. We have not been able to respond to everyone but will accept the many offers of help as time continues and as we figure out what we need. We need the help, even if we sometimes don't want to admit it. My husband is working on an outline with all the events and technical details of this week's unfolding.

- Auna